The first week of October is here and now it’s starting to feel like fall. (Have you noticed the leaves turning?) We are also starting our first service on our new theme Belonging. As one of our resources we will be using psychologist Geoffrey L. Cohen’s latest book Belonging: The Science of Creating Connection and Bridging Divides. I will introduce some of Cohen’s material in this week’s service. Here is a short review of the book as found on our website in the current newsletter.

We live in enormously polarized times. From politics to race, religion, gender, and class, division runs rampant. In 2020, 40 percent of each political party said that supporters of the opposing party were “downright evil.” In 2019, hate crimes reached a ten-year high in the United States. One in five Americans suffers from chronic loneliness, with teenagers and young adults at increasing risk. Social ties at work, at school, and in our communities have frayed. How did we become so alienated? Why is our sense of belonging so undermined? What if there were a set of science-backed techniques for navigating modern social life that could help us overcome our differences, create empathy, and forge lasting connections even across divides? What if there were a useful set of takeaways for managers and educators of all stripes to create connection even during challenging times?

In Belonging, Stanford University professor Geoffrey L. Cohen applies his and others’ groundbreaking research to the myriad problems of communal existence and offers concrete solutions for improving daily life at work, in school, in our homes, and in our communities. We all feel a deep need to belong, but most of us don’t fully appreciate that need in others. Often inadvertently, we behave in ways that threaten others’ sense of belonging. Yet small acts that establish connection, brief activities such as reflecting on our core values, and a suite of practices that Cohen defines as “situation-crafting” have been shown to lessen political polarization, improve motivation and performance in school and work, combat racism in our communities, enhance health and well-being, and unleash the potential in ourselves and in our relationships. Belonging is essential for managers, educators, parents, administrators, caregivers, and everyone who wants those around them to thrive.

Our YouTube service for this week is the introduction of our theme for the year, Belonging: A Sense of Place and Community. Dale also plays the (recently repaired) organ in this service which is a special treat. One of the basic human needs is to feel as if you belong and have a place to explore what that means. Whether someone is a new comer (someone who’s just arrived in Houlton) or they have been part of the group for years, everyone needs to find their individual place and feel like they belong. Please join us for one of the services this weekend.

Have a good week-end everyone.

In Ministry,DaveTHIS WEEK’S YOUTUBE SERVICE:

HERE IS THE SERVICE LINK FOR THIS WEEK’S YOUTUBE SERVICE

(Please note it won’t be active until 10AM on Sunday morning) 


https://youtu.be/KaXEVXX8GKo


HERE IS THE ZOOM LINK FOR SUNDAY COFFEE HOUR:

David Hutchinson is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: UUHoulton coffee hour and check-in

Time: Oct 2, 2022 11:00 AM Eastern Time (US and Canada)

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us06web.zoom.us/j/86977816241?pwd=R253ajJyWUdmN3Y0Mnd6RG5BNlNLdz09

Meeting ID: 869 7781 6241

Passcode: 880996
Virtual Offering Plate
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UU Church of Houlton61 Military StreetHoulton, ME  04730

I’m Not O.K., You’re Not O.K.—and That’s O.K.

BY SYLVIA BOORSTEIN

When we read the news, we might find ourselves overwhelmed with “non-OK-ness,” but Sylvia Boorstein says there are ways we can work with that feeling.

I heard on the BBC World News that a supermarket chain in Great Britain now provides chaplains in their stores, available to meet with customers when they are shopping. In Leeds, the position is shared by a Buddhist nun, a Congregationalist and an ex-Hell’s Angel/now Methodist minister. There are, the report said, rabbis and imams in Jewish and Muslim neighborhoods.

I did not know whether to rejoice or despair. I thought, “Sure, that makes sense. Everyone shops, and everyone needs someone to talk to about what is meaningful to them, what touches their heart, what troubles them.” But I also thought, “What has become of us?” Are we, as Wordsworth said, “laying waste our powers” by doing nothing apart from “getting and spending” and never leaving the shopping mall? Or have we, more sadly, forgotten how to talk to the people we know? Have we all forgotten how to listen to each other, or even to ourselves, in a way that is meaningful?

I think there is a clue to listening in a way that makes communication meaningful. That clue, I believe, holds true in psychotherapeutic situations, in relationships with a spiritual teacher and in mindfulness meditation. I think it is a universal clue. It works everywhere. I have a story that points to this clue:

I was reading the morning newspaper on a recent trip to New York City from Philadelphia on the Metroliner express train and I found myself suddenly so overwhelmed by sad and frightening situations all over the world that I turned to the young woman next to me and said, “I need to take a nap now. Will you wake me in twenty minutes, please?”

“Yes, of course,” she said. Then she said, “Are you O.K.?”

“I’m O.K.,” I replied. “Are you O.K.?”

“No,” she said. “I’m not.”

Suddenly, my sleepiness was gone and she could tell I was alert and listening. “I read the news earlier,” she said, indicating the newspaper in my lap. “And I’m scared.” We talked. We talked some about politics, but mostly we talked about how hard it is to carry on in life as if you are fine when actually you are feeling frightened or hopeless. The more we talked, the more revived I felt.

Then, as I thought the conversation was ending, she said, “I’m worried about my job, too.” She had recently accepted a position she saw both as a validation of her skill level and a challenge to it. “I think I can do it. But this is a big deal, this meeting in New York. A lot could go wrong. I’m worried about not doing it well.”

I just listened. I didn’t need to be knowledgeable about her job. I just needed to listen. I thought about how we all have concerns for the world and concerns for ourselves, simultaneously. After we parted at Penn Station, I realized we’d never told each other our names. It didn’t matter. By connecting, we had consoled. It was enough.

The clue is, Are you O.K.?

None of us is. The Buddha explained that as the truth of suffering. Having been born, we are all subject to the pain of loss, of grief, of sadness or even plain disappointment. Life is difficult. Even our joys, in their temporality, remind us of impermanence. Like the French poet Villon, we lament, wistfully, “Where are the snows of yesteryear?” We know that all the yesteryears are gone.

Psychologists would also reassure us of the appropriateness of our “non-O.K.-ness.” Each of us carries the gifts of our heritage, our family and our culture, as well as its wounds. It can’t be otherwise. A psychologist friend of mind once said, “If you wanted it perfect, you came to the wrong planet.” I am imagining this understanding, tacit or spoken, as the cornerstone of all healing relationships.

“Are you O.K.?

“No. Not really. How about you?”

“Not me, either. But I’m O.K. to talk about it. It makes the journey less lonely. Let’s talk.”

And, we can talk to ourselves kindly. I tell mindfulness practitioners to listen to the tone their inner voice uses to comment on their experience. I ask them to consider whether, if they had a friend who spoke that way, they would keep that friend. The moment in which people discover they are not holding themselves in compassion, not speaking kindly, is often startling and always sad. That awareness is sometimes enough to cause the critic’s voice to soften, and the soother’s voice to be heard.

ABOUT SYLVIA BOORSTEIN

Sylvia Boorstein is a psychologist and leading teacher of Insight Meditation. Her many best-selling books include Pay Attention, for Goodness’ Sake and Happiness Is An Inside Job.

Prayer List

For those recovering from COVID-19 in the state of MaineLocal emergency personnel and hospital staffFor our state and national leaders as they respond to the current coronavirus crisisFor those working for social justice and societal change 

Pray for peaceful action and democratic process in our nation

The war in Ukraine is now in its sixth month 

The global heat wave is affecting millions of people world-wide. Prayers for people, crops and animals.

Prayers for the communities in eastern Kentucky that suffered severe flooding recently.

Devastating wildfires are still continuing in the American West and in Europe. 

The longest and hottest heat wave of the year is currently in south eastern China

Prayers for those affected by the flooding in Pakistan

Prayers for those affected by hurricane Fiona in Puerto Rico and the Caribbean 

Prayers for those recovering from this week’s hurricane Ian in Florida and along parts of the east coast

The Four Limitless Ones Prayer

May all sentient beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.

May we be free from suffering and the root of suffering.

May we not be separated from the great happiness devoid of suffering.

May we dwell in the great equanimity free from anger, aggression and exclusion.

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